Late Night Thoughts

Well, my cousin threatened me that if I didn't post more often she'd stop visiting, so here goes. I'm at work and it's 2am, so I hope this makes sense. The past couple months I have to admit I've had some blue moments. I've really had to do some soul searching, and I've realized how much I need to stretch and grow. There have been so many times where I wish Heavenly Father would just come and sit by me on my bed and tell me everything's going to be ok and exactly what I need to do. It hit me like a ton of bricks that if He did this, there would be no need for faith. I've realized that having perfect faith doesn't always come easy, but it's something that needs to be exercised. That means it takes work. Crazy that I'm just now getting this! Anyways, I was listening to the YW General Meeting the other night and this part of Sister Elaine S. Dalton's talk spoke to me.

"Being steadfast and immovable also means that you keep moving forward with “a steadfastness in Christ” (2 Nephi 31:20). Several years ago, I had the opportunity to run the Boston Marathon. I had trained hard and felt I was prepared, but at mile 20 there are hills. The locals call the steepest and longest hill Heartbreak Hill. When I reached that point, I was physically spent. The hill was long, and because I was a novice, I allowed myself to do something no seasoned runner ever does—I started to think negatively. This slowed my pace, so I tried to think positively and visualize the finish line. But as I did this, I suddenly realized that I was in a big city, there were thousands of people lining the route, and I had not made any arrangements to locate my husband at the end of the marathon. I felt lost and alone, and I started to cry. I was wearing a big red T-shirt with the word Utah printed on the front in big block letters. As the spectators saw that I was crying, they would yell, “Keep going, Utah.” “Don’t cry, Utah.” “You’re almost finished, Utah.” But I knew I wasn’t, and I was lost. I also knew that even if I stopped running and dropped out of the race, I would still be lost.

Do any of you ever feel like you’re running up Heartbreak Hill and that even though there are people lining the route, you are alone? That’s how I felt. So I did what every one of you would do—I began to pray right there on that marathon route. I told Heavenly Father that I was alone and that I was on a hill. I told Him that I was discouraged and afraid and that I felt lost. I asked for help and strength to be steadfast and to finish the race. As I continued to run, these words came into my mind:

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
(“How Firm a Foundation,” Hymns, no. 85)

That sweet answer to my prayer gave me the strength to continue on until I crossed the finish line. And despite my fears, my husband was right there and all was well.

That day I experienced more than a marathon. I learned some important lessons. First of all, never wear a big red shirt with the word Utah printed on it. Second, I learned that no matter how well prepared you think you are, there are hills on the course. I learned that people cheering for you along the way are absolutely essential. I learned again that day that we are never alone. Our Heavenly Father is only a prayer away, and the Holy Ghost is within whispering distance."

Dad, we could substitute Big Bummer for Heartbreak Hill and it would work perfectly :).

Last week my mom called me with some really sad news. A good friend of the family's husband passed away unexpectedly at age 26. My heart aches for her and their families. I hope and pray the Heavenly Father is wrapping them in the arms of His love. Remember to hold your loved ones close because life is fragile and precious.