Overflowing

...with gratitude. That's the way I feel right now at 3am sitting here at work, just thinking. As I've read your comments and talked to you about our baby news, I've just been overwhelmed that so many people care about this and are celebrating with us. Whether you know what this past year has been like for us or not, I've felt genuine love, concern and excitement through your words and prayers. I just feel so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Just because blogging has taken the place of journaling for me, (and because some of you asked), I'll write about the past few months.

Where to start? I guess I'll just start at the beginning and try to make it brief, sparing some details, but I want you to understand how truly filled with gratitude I am to be over 12 weeks pregnant. About a year ago this month JD and I decided we were ready to start our family. I got pregnant right away, and about a week after we found out, I miscarried. Now I know it's a common thing, but for anyone that has to go through it, it's a terrible experience. What little time I had to think about the tiny life growing inside me was enough to change the way I viewed myself, and when it was gone I felt very empty. Just as I was starting to feel like myself again, I fell pregnant for the second time in November. I was thrilled but very tentative. My worst fear became reality when I lost that one too. It was all too familiar, and I was done being sad, done feeling empty. I could only fake a smile when everyone in my world was pregnant and having babies. I got a taste of what it's like to wait on the Lord and struggle to trust in Him when I knew that my desire was righteous. It's the hardest thing in the world to be patient when it's not in your nature. After months of frustration and alot of praying (thank you family) a miracle happened.

My cycles were going over 40 days, and many of you know how LONG that feels when you're keeping track, and it seemed like my body was messed up from the miscarriages and I wasn't ovulating. I was ready to try anything, and was about to take something that would start my cycle over, but I figured I should probably take another pregnancy test just to make sure. I was shocked beyond shocked when it was positive. I showed JD and we stared at it from every angle forEVER. I immediately got a Dr's appointment and started taking hormones and praying like never before. I love the comfort and promises that come from a loving Father in Heaven. Even when I started spotting, I knew deep down it would be ok. I went in for an ultrasound and saw a little grain of rice and a heartbeat, and started BAWLING! It was love at first sight. Between being paranoid and sick for three months, I've been quite busy doing a whole lot of nothing! My relationship with food has been very complicated because I can't live with it, and can't live without it. I'm beginning to hate it (food). Finally I can eat some vegetables and fruits again, so if I've gained any weight so far it's due to eating fast food (so disgusting). Work has been tolerable for the most part- I've only thrown up in a patient's room once, but he was unconcious so no big deal. I cannot complain about experiencing these signs because I've asked for them for so long. So, all I can say is that I'm so happy and grateful, and I'm praying for things to continue to go well so that I can meet my little one in February. Thank you again for your support and love. It means the world.